The Perfect Family
by BAD WOLF WRITER101
Summary: The Perfect Family. Is Sherlock still a part of John and Mary's family? Alice's 2nd birthday and Sherlock is just about BEGGING for her to say something rather inappropriate for sweet, innocent Alice (It's not something bad, promise.). And what will her first word be? Super short, but cute. :) Please read and review, I really appreciate it!
1. Chapter 1

The Perfect Family

"Argh. I'm. So. BORED." Sherlock yelled, shooting at a smiley face on the wall in distaste. "A nice murder will cheer you up." Said Mrs. Hudson. She didn't comment about the wall, knowing full well that he didn't care. "Oh, yes Mrs. Hudson! The murder of a certain Daniel Latimer and perhaps that dreadful singer-the one dating Molly? Anderson Lieter? Although his is one we needn't pursue. We'll celebrate instead." "Oh, Sherlock. Don't speak that way. They're both perfectly good young men. Continue and I'll have to tell your mother…" Mrs. Hudson scolded him, tossing one of his curtains back, only to smile at two visitors she spotted making their way up to the flat. "Mrs. Hudson, do remember that Lieter can't sing. And besides that's an empty threat. You know mother is too naïve to believe." Sherlock plops down on the sofa and Mrs. Hudson leaves muttering something about stale biscuits and John Watson enters the flat toting a baby. "You brought The Baby." "Her name is Alice and what have you done?" John rushes to patch up the wall Sherlock so blatantly shot at, and leaves The Baby with Sherlock. The Baby. She will always be The Baby. She pre shadows all of her race, so perfect is her role.

Behind John's back, Sherlock kisses Alice on the cheek then hands her a sugar cube. "You're going to grow up to be a smart girl, won't you? And you'll take care of John when I'm too old to because Mommy will be too busy taking care of you." Sherlock whispers and she stares comprehensively into his almond eyes. Despite popular belief that John isn't listening, John smiles at the sight and the moment is picture perfect when Mary Morstan walks in to stand by John. Sherlock is so enamored with Alice's antics that he doesn't notice the audience.


	2. Chapter 2

The Perfect Family

The small trio made its way through the park. It was Alice's second birthday, but by her behavior it seemed like she had just been born. She wailed and thrashed, kicking Mary's nose and it was OBNOXIOUS. "Just hand her over to me," Sherlock says with mock annoyance. He carefully pries Alice out of Mary's arms and Alice calmed down by one decibel.

Sherlock pulls out his phone and starts scrolling down. "A nice murder will make you happy, wont it." He mutters under his breath.

"A murder? God, Sherlock, She's TWO BLOODY YEARS OLD. Give her here," John and Mary burst out, and two passerby's give them odd looks. Sherlock holds Alice closer at the prospect of handing her over to her clueless parents. OF COURSE she wants to see the bloody and graphic products of murder. That other boy from John's wedding thought it was cool, so why wouldn't she? In fact, she might even like it so much, murder would be her first word. Sherlock beams at the thought. _Just like me._

"We're here. Do you want some yummy ice cream, Alice? I've got some yummy ice cream for you, just say 'please'." Mary coos when they reach the ice cream stop. The owner of the stand gives them a bored look as if he's seen it all before. John puts Alice back in the stroller as they decide on the flavors.

"How much?"

I'm sorry?"

Sherlock snorts through his nose. "We aren't paying three dollars for a mini scoop, but if you're willing to keep your Pekingese dog, I suggest you give us it all for two dollars. Fair?"

The man gives them all the ice cream for free.

After the threat, they sit together on the rim of a fountain. Sherlock tells Alice the wonders of crime and such while Mary and John share an ice cream and laugh. "That's why we don't murder people. Because if we do, we won't be able to examine them in a big white room and say who did it and be right. That's why we don't mur-der people." Every time he reaches the word murder, he stretches it out so Alice understands how to pronounce it. "Mur-da," John and Mary drop their ice cream. "What?" "Murdah." Alice says again. Sherlock turns to John. "Remember the deal?" John's face turns white. Of course he remembers the deal. If Alice's first word was murder, she could see as many of Sherlock's murder pictures as she wanted. "It was a joke… Sherlock, please." Sherlock lets loose an exasperated noise.

"Of course not. She's too young to see those, clueless parents." John gives a noise of relief.

"But I do have some pictures of some emaciated living people. Come along, Alice."


End file.
